Lonn – Male DSH

Lonns profile is gonna read a little differently than the rest. The point of an adoption profile is to give you a glimpse into all the wonderful things that this particular sweet angel baby will bring to your life. Lonns will do that, but first we need to talk directly, one on one, you and I, prematurely greying foster carer to innocent potential adopter.

This cat is absolutely insane. If you look up the phrase ‘loose unit’ in the dictionary, his cherubic, chubby little face will be staring back at you with the slightly dazed expression he always wears. It’s nothing to worry about, he just traded 90% of his brain cells for extra creamy treats when he was at the kitten factory…

If you want to adopt Lonn, you’ll need to know what you’re getting yourself into. Consider preparing yourself, and your home, as if you’re adopting a hyperactive 2 year old who just ate a whole bag of red frogs. If you’re still with me, (I like you, you’re adventurous) then let’s dive in.

Lonn is uncoordinated. He couldn’t land on his feet if you tied weights to them. He gets the post poop zoomies every day – final destination? Directly into a wall. Lonn loves a belly rub, ADORES them, but he gets so relaxed that he forgets that the laws of gravity apply to him and he turns into a liquid. A rotund liquid that, unless you have lightning fast reflexes and can catch 5kg of certified fat boy with one hand, will inevitably end up staring at you from the floor as he slides off the couch/bed/kitchen bench for the 7th time that day.

Yup, I said kitchen bench. Lonn has limited manners, does not learn from his mistakes, and his favourite place in the house is wherever the most danger is currently present. Also wherever he can be the most annoying version of himself he can possibly be. You want to sleep? He’d love to treat you to a butt directly on your chin. Trying to walk down the hallway? He’ll flop, drop, and roll directly onto your feet every 3rd step. Lonn unashamedly takes up space and doesn’t dull his shine for anyone. We love that in a tiny king.

As well as patience and lightning fast reflexes, you will need nerves of steel. Lonn will slip, trip and fall off of everything. One time he tried to jump into the kitchen cupboard stacked precariously with dinner sets and family heirlooms. He missed, hooked his front paws onto the bottom shelf, and (miraculously) managed to pull himself up. He looked kinda like your Dad would if he was a few beers deep and got challenged by your nephew to do a chin up. Great Grandma’s 60 year old tea pot literally flashed before my eyes. I was catching crockery between my toes like I was in Cirque Du Soleil. And why did he need to get in the cupboard? Because plates usually have food on them, so he HAD to lick them.

Which brings me to my next point, Lonn is obsessed with food. He needs to be fed separately from other pets because he WILL steal every single morsel. His favourite food? Whatever is on your fork and/or already in your mouth. He’ll try and swipe your spag bol out of mid air as it travels from the plate to your face. Given the chance, he’d push an old lady into a hedge for the last bite of her muesli bar. To be fair, he is outgrowing this behaviour, and we’ve got some tips and tricks to help ensure he maintains a healthy weight (and you maintain your sanity).

Despite his absolute confidence that he is the most important member of your household, initially Lonn is actually very shy and likes to hide from new people under the doona. He thinks if he can’t see you, then you can’t see him… But while he may be rubbish at hide and seek, he will be very good at making you laugh!

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! You get to hear about all of the wonderful things that will make you fall head over heels in love with this absolute lunatic. If you’re brave enough to enquire to actually meet him, Lonn and I may have to don fake moustaches, change our identities, and flee to the Caribbean because I am smitten with this kitten.

Lonn is unbelievably affectionate and relaxed when he knows he’s safe. He likes to flop over my shoulder and have dance parties, or rather, I dance while he purrs and bobs his sweet little empty head along to the beat. He loves to be held, cuddled, will accept endless pats and that big old belly is NOT a trap (most of the time, just look at his pupils, you’ll get the hang of it). Lonn will sleep ON you, wherever he pleases, and purr and purr until he sees something shiny or remembers a crumb he saw under the couch a few days ago. He is also VERY serious about biscuit making and has spent many hours perfecting his craft, so soft fluffy beds will be required.

Lonn is perfectly litter trained, although he does switch between standing completely upright to poop, and laying spread eagled to pee. One of the most important things about Lonn is that he LOVES other cats, and will need to go to a home with another patient friend to tolerate (and participate in) his shenanigans. He may be bigger than most of his furry playmates, but he still flops at their feet begging to be groomed and loved on. Lonns foster siblings have been made the scapegoat for many of his messes and more obnoxious accidents (RIP to my house plant that lasted less than 24 hours) so he needs a partner in crime to keep the heat off.

I could go on for hours about all the ways Lonn will change your life, make you smile til it hurts, and laugh until you snort and a little bit of wee comes out, but I won’t. All I’ll ask is that if you have a fun spirit, a patient heart, and are looking for a cat that will truly become the centre of not just your home but your whole life, then give Lonn a chance.